Thailand Bangkok Mission... Saaayy What?

im doing the mish

I want to share my "deciding story" 

So I sorta breezed past this in previous posts. But I'm going on a mission..
HOLLA!!! SAY WHAT? Sister Mish in da house!
It still does NOT seem real. I cannot believe it! The call is SO perfect for me! I am giddy at the thought of me living in Thailand and helping people come to Christ. Seriously? Is that real?
I hate myself in this video, I was having so many strange unknown feelings. My body was SO confused. If you have ever opened a sealed envelope, with its contents deciding your fate I'm sure you can relate. It is CRAY CRAY

I want to apologize for singing a tacky eminem song (I hate him and I cannot fathom why I thought it would be appropriate to quote little Marsh in this situation)


I went to china and fell in LOVE with babies who i was lucky enough to mother, when I left those babies some of them passed away and some stayed on this earth to finish fighting their battles, I was equally heartbroken by both, knowing that some child's life was cut short, knowing that another child would probably(hopefully) be adopted into a family where they would deal with their medical issue without the love and comfort of the gospel of Jesus Christ and knowledge of Gods perfect plan. I  know that right now there is no way for me to save those babies but maybe one day because I helped save someone else's babies they will find mine and bring them to Christ. I know with my whole heart that Gods plan has no loopholes and that one day all that is unfair in this world will be made right. I am so blessed to have grown up in a family with the love and support of the Church around me. I also know that because I have been given much I too must give. I am delighted for this beautiful opportunity to serve the Lord and strengthen the families of Thailand.

I leave tomorrow morning for the MTC. [[what?, how did that happen? what is going on?]]

I have been set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
[ My Stake President- President Eddington gave me the most COMFORTING blessing full of promises and advice for my mission.  I was so worried about the language and had prayed to feel some comfort that it was going to be great, I went in with that weighing heavily on my heart, I even listened and searched for a time when I could bring this concern up to Pres. Eddington so he would bless me for it but instead I decided to be patient. I held a earnest pray in my overwhelmed heart that I would know that the gift of tongues would be one of my gifts... & among other things the blessing quieted my fears and I have never been more excited and calm at the same time]

 I know that the Lord is on my side and that I will have his angels and on my left side and my right as I go out into the world to share this glad message. 

Sister Status
 humbly,
SISTER TILLEY!!!!

Miss Proletarian

im a working woman.

I was kidding myself when I thought sitting in the sun and whistling at hot swimmers all day was a job.
What I have discovered in the last week is that the working world ( the real one) is cruel.

I am so grateful to have a job and to be doing something that I enjoy and making great $ doing it

double that.. cause  I now have 2 jobs.

I PASSED MY BOARDS!!!!! NCLEX = my B!T@#$*
( 3 hours and 85 grueling questions later & I am a Licensed Nurse)

Jobs
     -Terrace Grove Assisted Living and Physical Rehab Center - NOC Nurse
     - Avalon Hills Eating Disorder Rehab Center - Nurse

  after completing a 12 hour shift I have more complaints running through my head than the Jews of the holocoust did. My feet hurt, my bad hurts, I'm hungry and Im TIRED. Working NOC shift is called "Graves" for a reason- it just about kills me. But I finish and I come out feeling like an olympic medalist.


Do you think something is wrong with me if I get ego boosted from 80 year old men?
yeah... probably

I have been told that I am a "lovely lady" more this week than I can ever remember in my life.
It is the sweetest compliment, I wish it was more frequently used today. What a beautiful thing to say.

Do work ladies.

i. am. tired.
i. feel. alone.&lost.
my. soul. is.weary.


Mission countdown is at 36 days. I think I am the most excited I have been about my mission since opening my call, but I am exhausted emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I feel so empty.

I'm going to blame it on my job- which I am lucky as a duck to have been able to have.
Working form 630pm- 730am has ruined me, I am not my happy optimistic self, I am genuinely very sad. I have 2 more days and I know I should be finding that fact as light at the end of the tunnel or the silver lining but when I think about it, I just frown and whisper to myself...

 i cant do it. Its too hard and no one cares and no one is helping me.

boo hooo... poor baby.
I don't know why I choose this time for me to doubt going on a mission, for every concern to blow up in my mind. I'm worried about how old I will be when I get back, & not be finished with school, be old unmarried and unaccomplished scholastically, and Thai people eat rice allll dayy so ill probably be fatter than aunt marge (hp#3)
As quickly as the doubts come I am able to dismiss them with word of encouragement and a little self validation, noting how it really doesn't matter and the Lord will work everything out if I surrender my will for his. Yet I think a small remainder of the irrational concerns lingers in the corners of my weary soul and it worries me into mental, emotional and spiritual exhaustion.

 

Ill just keep saying
The Lord is in control & I trust him.
Everything will be alright.
& hope one of these sleepless nights those pests in the corners of my soul give up

...and they will.

Patience

Disclaimer;lately Ive been using this blog to vent my feelings when I am feeling down- So it seems like I am always down. I'm not. NEXT post is going to be so sweet and full of love it gives you cavities and chest pains.

The heart wants ♥ what it wants

I know myself pretty well, I am as prone to follow a trend as any girl on the block. But through the years of fading fads & one hit wonders I have identified a few constants in my life-

I will never stop wanting....

1]] loooooooooooooooonger hair

2]] a baby

and that's just the way it is. Righteous desires if I ever did see one.

those funny little things called dreams

I  am certain that dreams indicate the true desires of the heart....at least mine have lately. I've been dreaming about Seth. In China, or at Lagoon he is ever so present in my crazy dreamland. In those dreams I am as happy as I ever was but it is cruel trick that my mind plays on me. I wake up and I have tears running down my cheeks and my heart aches as I panickly look around my bed for my babe as those last bits of dreamful illusion slip out from under me and I  fall hard into the loneliness of reality. The reality that I love and am having a great time living in... I just don't have a baby, I don't have my baby.

the annoying mindless ramblings of my heart

Grow up, age, get older.... however you say it, it is happening. It seems like all you can think about when you are young is growing up. Its not entirely your fault though, is it? People reinforce this behavior by saying things like " You are not old enough", "You will understand when you get older". Frankly -Its bull $@*#. Excuse my unnecessary use of symbols but honestly. At whatever age or milestone you are at in life you know all that you need to for that time. You are enough. But somehow people make you feel inadequate and you dream of the days when you will  be a "grown up".

one day

out of the idleness of the weekday it changes

a switch so quickly you have to look in the rearview to catch a glimpse as it vanishes into the distance.

You are old enough, you can understand 'adult talk', and you know enough.

 From then on it feels like you are running uphill to avoid getting older.

When I was scared and alone in China I would lay on my wood mattress with a perfect sleeping baby on my  chest and John Mayer in my ears.

" So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young"

&  i would cry

though pointless, it seems like the ONLY thing you can do sometimes.

I knew when I returned to the states I was going to have to be a responsible adult and take care of myself instead of focusing all my love and energy on the babies I was mothering and love very much. I hated that. I hated that because it scared me.  I've been home just over a year now and Im still scared. Im scared of growing up. I will always be afraid of it, because it is unknown.  

People hate what they dont underestand... true dat... right?

For now I will deny the fact that time is slipping through my fingers at a much quicker pace than I find tolerable and I will enjoy the present. Im actually really really good at that.
I love winter. I love Logan. I love winter in Logan. there I said it.
I feel like the time you spend complaining could be used to change the circumstances so if you are  unhappy with where you are in life.... change it.

I love where I am at in life, As I encounter a new milestones and close chapters of my life I find myself saying " I love where I am at in life right now." how lucky am I? that I can say that to myself constantly?  And then again it doesn't have anything to do with luck does it? 

It has NOTHING to do with LUCK and everything to do with BLESSINGS

 I am getting showered over here. My heart is so full of love. I know that God is so very aware of me.

gratefully,

aub 

5 months in a blog-shell

 I sometimes feel like I'm doing okay in life and then I visit my blog and all those feelings of self gratification vanish! 

Well I've been doing great? How've  you been?

neglected.

The only thing to do now is-enjoy a briefing of the most important things that have transpired during the 5 months that  I idiotically took a vow of blog silence ( shame shame shame)

SEPTMEBER
3rd- Finally snapped outta my dirty blonde phase and went dark! Then i went the U of U Homecoming festivities

survived school this month
OCTOBER
2nd- Featured in the Utah State Statesman @ the football game

10th- Almost went to a 80s dance party but took Linds to the E.R instead!

20th- Did a presenation on prostate cancer for school- 'aced it'
survived school this month
NOVEMBER

6th- VOTED!

11th- Uncles Mike & Peter came to visit from Boston

15th- Did a presentation on anal atria for school- 'aced it'
22nd-26th- Thanksgiving weekend in LaSal with the Fam (rode some horses)

survived school this month
DECEMBER
8th Annual Holiday Whobidiee-Whatee @ the Babe Cave

15th- Officially graduated from LPNursing School
25th Christmas!
27th- Got a pretty cool letter in the mail from some cute boys

JANUARY
1st-  Caught the influenza... almost DIED- So much for flu shots!!!!!
studied for my nursing boards - [[ scheduled for the 29th!]] 
18th- 20th- Sister sanctuary weekend / bayleaf grand closing :(

.So there it is.

 I mean some big things & some small things
 i have so much good in my life & feel so blessed


Ill check in sooner next time. so there is less to absorb

 xoxo A

Check!

This is old news... but i have completed another bucket list task so I thought an update was in order!

CATCH A BOUQUET AT A WEDDING

My beautiful ex-roommate Ashley Peterson recently got hitched to a sly guy named Mark Warren

and the classy celebration of their union provided me with a wonderful experience.

It was pretty competitive and I had to do some pushing that Im not particularly proud of but the important thing is that I caught it. I kept my eye on the ball and followed through! :) 

I was the happiest girl! What a beautiful thing the bouquet toss is.

& with that I will say......Check!

Call me Spielberg....

Its an edit. I bring up China in nearly every post so this newly made video montage should come as a shock to no one.  I LOOOOVEEE IT, i hope ya'll do too! xoxo Aub

Guilty ( kinda gross) Pleasures....

Sierra and I were just talking about food... typical us. & we  started listing foods that we were embarressed that we love, Foods that we might eat only in our car or closet and  that we hide  all evidence that it was ingested. Anyway.
That secret shameful time of  our eating lives is vanishing as we have made a list for the public to enjoy.
let us begin with hostess crumb donettes, There is simply no other pastry parallel to this heaven sent delight.

the classic egg mcmuffin, The Mcdonalds in Logan now serves breakfast starting at midnight.... good for them.

vanilla coke.... uhhhhhuhh

Sierra loves TOTS! Call her Napolean.

Cream cheese frosting that is frosting nothing but my spoon.....im ashamed, but it happens.
cookie crisp or should i say coooooooooooookkkkiieeee crisp. regardless though, YUM!
we LOVE Oreos....there we said it.

+ PB= even better. Probably 100% influenced  by the childhood obsession with the Parent Trap, thanks Linds!
easy cheese... cheese in a can= BRILLIANT

another grotesque fact- we both just decided cheese fountians at our wedding receptions are a MUST!

 eww... not really!

Apple beer
Grilled Cheese & honey- not even embaressed cause its SO good
Sugar cookies..... all day errrryday!!!!

This is probably my weirdest post ever! So it serves as a perfectly good reminder that Si and I are awesome. Now you know next time you want to pig out a little who to come to. 

I just cant fight this feeling anymore!

Nothing makes me happier right now. Haters gonna hate. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
 Latest Obssesion. Pure Genius, Two thumbs way up. I know I am always one click away from an instantaneous good mood.
You are too!  Watch this & have a great day!
:)

Early Birthday Gift

An angel of a girl recently went to China and visited Starfish and took some pictures of some of my babes. I am SO happy, it is probably one of the best feelings i have ever had to see their faces and see that they are happy, doing well and still as cute as EVER!!!

 Seth

Kay Louise

Spoiled Little Me!

I have got a birthday coming up, every year around this time I try to take a step back and evaluate what I have done with that year of my life.  As i have been doing so for year # 20  I couldn't stop feeling so INCREDIBLY spoiled. I prepared some examples.

#1- My 20th birthday party that the cutest, most supportive roommates in the world threw for me.


#2- I graduated from SNOW after 2 years of drill team, student government, kissing, crying, adventures, and a little bit of learning. I love SNOW COLLEGE so much and feel so blessed to alumni.




 

#3-My summer job- I dont even care that my nursing job pays double. I love it and the sun and the swimming lessons makes me happier to go to work than I can fathem. So greatful for BC pool!



#4 My family vacations- Lake Powell was a a huge highlight i love my WHOLE family and I loved having fun Jenn and Val there with us. Also the winter ski trip weekend was SO fun with all the "snoozng and treats and treats and shredding" it was near ideal. I dont deserve such a stinking fun family but I have them so I am going to hang on.


#5- My Friends- Jenn, Ash, Tay, Si, Camrie, Linds, Neighbs, Tay Tay, Campie, Andy, Deb, Hannah, Becca & Shelbs- I really feel like they love me unconditionally and I got SO lucky in this department. Frankly I am surprised they are all still around. All my friends are SO good it would have made sense for them to directly translated years ago!




#6- China, my babies. Starfish changed my life. Not a day goes by that I dont pray for them. I feel like i "found myself" and I'm a more complete person.
 

#7- Christmas... duh.
#8- Apt 16f - Luck. The only way that I can explain that i live with 2 people that I feel like are JUST like me, that share clothes with me and make treats and love taco tuesday as much as I do.  also... my closet, NO college girl i know has sucha luxury! Everytime I get dressed I am reminded that I am living the high life. I love my closet I love it. thank you contracter who made that single ONE closet like that! Its a college dream come true.


#9- Nursing school, I complain about it but it is AWESOME, my class is like a little family and it has been a really great hard few monthes and the late night study groups, and funny drug stories and acrinims keep me going
#10- My family, I love them and more importantly they have master the ever so difficult task of loving me. My Dad and Mom LOVE each other so much and they do the cutest nicest things for me.
 Jordan is the epitamy of a big brother, Sierra truely is MY BEST FRIEND[[ last friday she showed up at my apartment and I almost lost it, she knows me so well and I feel rejuvinated after spending some time with that beautiful gal]]

& Jace is the funnest little rambuctious kid, I love that he lets me pick out his clothes and help him with his hair, he is a stud.


I had some of the HARDEST things, Ive been at my most vulnerable and and most sad during this year which i think made me grow and realize all the good things I have. The BEST things happened this year. Im sorry to see quite possibly the best year of my life go but i am optomistic that the next one will be great great great aswell!

nurses shmurses

 I realize I haven't checked in for a while and have some explaining to do. So take this for what is worth.

I'm in nursing school.

thus, I don't really have a life outside scholastic responsibility.

cool.

I am not really sure what I was thinking when I chose this carreer path. If i were to make list of things I love it would consist of, fashion, outdoors, spending time with friends and family. I realize at least for the time being none of those intrests are even remotely being stimulated. I thought I could spice up my uniform but alas i am trapped in the most homely little scrub wearing world for the rest of my working life with no hope. In addition to that to say that my program is highly time entensive would be an unjust understatement. So I am not only stuck inside for the  majority of the day the study time combined with that take nearly every free "kickin', chillin', and hangin' " second I have. PLEASE NOTE I SAID "NEARLY"- meaning, if  you want to we can still hang out, i'd love to actually.

All childish complaining aside, I am learning alot and for the most part I enjoy what I am learning. So that is good. Also once  I am done, 2 of my 3 previously listed intrests will be able to be more easliy met, as for those outfits I will do my best to not become a homely mindless mess.  I still love my roommates and get to see my family alot more now that I am just a beautifully scenic 30 minute drive away.  I'm a pretty happy girl.

well the area code is 435 and its cold.

you guessed it, I moved to LOGAN.
& I like it so far...

collecting a speciman.

I am awake here @ 2am MST reviewing an illegally long list of review videos for my CNA renewal test which I have to take before i strart nursing school next week. To keep me awake i have been absentmindedly "stumbling" on the side in a smaller window. Most of the information covered in the videos is common sense and trivial really, but my mind  fell victim toextremely unforgiving whiplash as my attention was unfortunatly glued to the video that was currently playing in the background. 
Now, being the understanding, kind young woman that i am i have ofcourse included a link to said vidoe so you also can indulge! i call it, the video to end all late night review video watching.
there is simply nothing i like less than a friendly little reminder of why i actually hate the major and carrer path i have choosen. i  have chosen to just ignore this video and pretend that the is one activity i will NEVER perform.
ahh. the beautiful surpises we encounter at 2 am.

Coachella 2012

Who is going? Well for starters, the black keys, band of horses, miike snow, bon iver,m83, m ward, the shins and ofcourse snoop dogg!
notice how aubrie dawn tilley wasn't among those names where it rightfully belongs

the reason: i actually dont have a good excuse, so maybe i will change my mind! LETS HOPE!!!

 I mean nothing is final but.... i would be crazy to miss this.. & so would everyone else!  im just a little bit poor, but im alot in love with these bands!
 I can just imagine a fun snack & laughter filled roadtrip to Indio, CA followed by an even more sublime3 days of music& bumming around! I know. I'll drag my hipster sister with me and she'll LOVE it!

tickets are $356 and go on sale in 2 days..... 

just seems like a dream team event this year, im proud of goldenvoice. hahah!

god bless america &&& christmas!

im home . it is home sweet home. leaving china was the hardest thing i have ever done. if i may get a little mushy on you i will say that i grew more than i could have ever imagine and loved more than i thought i was capable. i have been struggling and i think i will for a long time.  i miss my babies. 

that being said, home for the holidays with the worlds greatest family never felt so good!

 Well I am now officially over my jetlag and really dont feel like since i have been home for 2 week it is a viable excuse for my sleeping in and lazying around:(  I milked it for all it was worth.. no worries!! 
I am nothing if not a Christmas enthusiast! I had SO much fun getting ready for the big day and spending time with my fam. all the gifts i had brought from china for them were a hit and i would have to say i am getting really good at gifting. one special thing that my sweet sweet father wanted to do for my mom was a 4-part photo frame which he wanted to fill photos of the 4 kids with a nice message to the lady of the house.  
he gave me the reins. i may or may not have gone a little overboard..
dad said " just a snap shot in front of the house or something"... i only heard the "something" and off i went.

 

 Pretty good...eh? I thought so too!
I mean... we only used 4 but I though it could be like one of those gifts that keep giving and i would share some of the good bad and funny with my blog!

i love my crazy beautiful siblings. i truely feel so blessed to have the family that i do. after 258 photos we got the 4 that my dad requested and had also had a riot in the freezing cold at midnight!!! nothing says i love you like a last minute photo shoot in the cold ... in all seriousness, we do love our mom & she cried when she opened this little surprise so it was all worth it in the end. We tore up Christmas, like always!

Hope Christmas was great for ya'll and the the new year will be bright!