those funny little things called dreams

I  am certain that dreams indicate the true desires of the heart....at least mine have lately. I've been dreaming about Seth. In China, or at Lagoon he is ever so present in my crazy dreamland. In those dreams I am as happy as I ever was but it is cruel trick that my mind plays on me. I wake up and I have tears running down my cheeks and my heart aches as I panickly look around my bed for my babe as those last bits of dreamful illusion slip out from under me and I  fall hard into the loneliness of reality. The reality that I love and am having a great time living in... I just don't have a baby, I don't have my baby.

the annoying mindless ramblings of my heart

Grow up, age, get older.... however you say it, it is happening. It seems like all you can think about when you are young is growing up. Its not entirely your fault though, is it? People reinforce this behavior by saying things like " You are not old enough", "You will understand when you get older". Frankly -Its bull $@*#. Excuse my unnecessary use of symbols but honestly. At whatever age or milestone you are at in life you know all that you need to for that time. You are enough. But somehow people make you feel inadequate and you dream of the days when you will  be a "grown up".

one day

out of the idleness of the weekday it changes

a switch so quickly you have to look in the rearview to catch a glimpse as it vanishes into the distance.

You are old enough, you can understand 'adult talk', and you know enough.

 From then on it feels like you are running uphill to avoid getting older.

When I was scared and alone in China I would lay on my wood mattress with a perfect sleeping baby on my  chest and John Mayer in my ears.

" So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young"

&  i would cry

though pointless, it seems like the ONLY thing you can do sometimes.

I knew when I returned to the states I was going to have to be a responsible adult and take care of myself instead of focusing all my love and energy on the babies I was mothering and love very much. I hated that. I hated that because it scared me.  I've been home just over a year now and Im still scared. Im scared of growing up. I will always be afraid of it, because it is unknown.  

People hate what they dont underestand... true dat... right?

For now I will deny the fact that time is slipping through my fingers at a much quicker pace than I find tolerable and I will enjoy the present. Im actually really really good at that.
I love winter. I love Logan. I love winter in Logan. there I said it.
I feel like the time you spend complaining could be used to change the circumstances so if you are  unhappy with where you are in life.... change it.

I love where I am at in life, As I encounter a new milestones and close chapters of my life I find myself saying " I love where I am at in life right now." how lucky am I? that I can say that to myself constantly?  And then again it doesn't have anything to do with luck does it? 

It has NOTHING to do with LUCK and everything to do with BLESSINGS

 I am getting showered over here. My heart is so full of love. I know that God is so very aware of me.

gratefully,

aub 

5 months in a blog-shell

 I sometimes feel like I'm doing okay in life and then I visit my blog and all those feelings of self gratification vanish! 

Well I've been doing great? How've  you been?

neglected.

The only thing to do now is-enjoy a briefing of the most important things that have transpired during the 5 months that  I idiotically took a vow of blog silence ( shame shame shame)

SEPTMEBER
3rd- Finally snapped outta my dirty blonde phase and went dark! Then i went the U of U Homecoming festivities

survived school this month
OCTOBER
2nd- Featured in the Utah State Statesman @ the football game

10th- Almost went to a 80s dance party but took Linds to the E.R instead!

20th- Did a presenation on prostate cancer for school- 'aced it'
survived school this month
NOVEMBER

6th- VOTED!

11th- Uncles Mike & Peter came to visit from Boston

15th- Did a presentation on anal atria for school- 'aced it'
22nd-26th- Thanksgiving weekend in LaSal with the Fam (rode some horses)

survived school this month
DECEMBER
8th Annual Holiday Whobidiee-Whatee @ the Babe Cave

15th- Officially graduated from LPNursing School
25th Christmas!
27th- Got a pretty cool letter in the mail from some cute boys

JANUARY
1st-  Caught the influenza... almost DIED- So much for flu shots!!!!!
studied for my nursing boards - [[ scheduled for the 29th!]] 
18th- 20th- Sister sanctuary weekend / bayleaf grand closing :(

.So there it is.

 I mean some big things & some small things
 i have so much good in my life & feel so blessed


Ill check in sooner next time. so there is less to absorb

 xoxo A

Check!

This is old news... but i have completed another bucket list task so I thought an update was in order!

CATCH A BOUQUET AT A WEDDING

My beautiful ex-roommate Ashley Peterson recently got hitched to a sly guy named Mark Warren

and the classy celebration of their union provided me with a wonderful experience.

It was pretty competitive and I had to do some pushing that Im not particularly proud of but the important thing is that I caught it. I kept my eye on the ball and followed through! :) 

I was the happiest girl! What a beautiful thing the bouquet toss is.

& with that I will say......Check!

Call me Spielberg....

Its an edit. I bring up China in nearly every post so this newly made video montage should come as a shock to no one.  I LOOOOVEEE IT, i hope ya'll do too! xoxo Aub

Guilty ( kinda gross) Pleasures....

Sierra and I were just talking about food... typical us. & we  started listing foods that we were embarressed that we love, Foods that we might eat only in our car or closet and  that we hide  all evidence that it was ingested. Anyway.
That secret shameful time of  our eating lives is vanishing as we have made a list for the public to enjoy.
let us begin with hostess crumb donettes, There is simply no other pastry parallel to this heaven sent delight.

the classic egg mcmuffin, The Mcdonalds in Logan now serves breakfast starting at midnight.... good for them.

vanilla coke.... uhhhhhuhh

Sierra loves TOTS! Call her Napolean.

Cream cheese frosting that is frosting nothing but my spoon.....im ashamed, but it happens.
cookie crisp or should i say coooooooooooookkkkiieeee crisp. regardless though, YUM!
we LOVE Oreos....there we said it.

+ PB= even better. Probably 100% influenced  by the childhood obsession with the Parent Trap, thanks Linds!
easy cheese... cheese in a can= BRILLIANT

another grotesque fact- we both just decided cheese fountians at our wedding receptions are a MUST!

 eww... not really!

Apple beer
Grilled Cheese & honey- not even embaressed cause its SO good
Sugar cookies..... all day errrryday!!!!

This is probably my weirdest post ever! So it serves as a perfectly good reminder that Si and I are awesome. Now you know next time you want to pig out a little who to come to. 

I just cant fight this feeling anymore!

Nothing makes me happier right now. Haters gonna hate. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
 Latest Obssesion. Pure Genius, Two thumbs way up. I know I am always one click away from an instantaneous good mood.
You are too!  Watch this & have a great day!
:)