Miss Proletarian

im a working woman.

I was kidding myself when I thought sitting in the sun and whistling at hot swimmers all day was a job.
What I have discovered in the last week is that the working world ( the real one) is cruel.

I am so grateful to have a job and to be doing something that I enjoy and making great $ doing it

double that.. cause  I now have 2 jobs.

I PASSED MY BOARDS!!!!! NCLEX = my B!T@#$*
( 3 hours and 85 grueling questions later & I am a Licensed Nurse)

Jobs
     -Terrace Grove Assisted Living and Physical Rehab Center - NOC Nurse
     - Avalon Hills Eating Disorder Rehab Center - Nurse

  after completing a 12 hour shift I have more complaints running through my head than the Jews of the holocoust did. My feet hurt, my bad hurts, I'm hungry and Im TIRED. Working NOC shift is called "Graves" for a reason- it just about kills me. But I finish and I come out feeling like an olympic medalist.


Do you think something is wrong with me if I get ego boosted from 80 year old men?
yeah... probably

I have been told that I am a "lovely lady" more this week than I can ever remember in my life.
It is the sweetest compliment, I wish it was more frequently used today. What a beautiful thing to say.

Do work ladies.

i. am. tired.
i. feel. alone.&lost.
my. soul. is.weary.


Mission countdown is at 36 days. I think I am the most excited I have been about my mission since opening my call, but I am exhausted emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I feel so empty.

I'm going to blame it on my job- which I am lucky as a duck to have been able to have.
Working form 630pm- 730am has ruined me, I am not my happy optimistic self, I am genuinely very sad. I have 2 more days and I know I should be finding that fact as light at the end of the tunnel or the silver lining but when I think about it, I just frown and whisper to myself...

 i cant do it. Its too hard and no one cares and no one is helping me.

boo hooo... poor baby.
I don't know why I choose this time for me to doubt going on a mission, for every concern to blow up in my mind. I'm worried about how old I will be when I get back, & not be finished with school, be old unmarried and unaccomplished scholastically, and Thai people eat rice allll dayy so ill probably be fatter than aunt marge (hp#3)
As quickly as the doubts come I am able to dismiss them with word of encouragement and a little self validation, noting how it really doesn't matter and the Lord will work everything out if I surrender my will for his. Yet I think a small remainder of the irrational concerns lingers in the corners of my weary soul and it worries me into mental, emotional and spiritual exhaustion.

 

Ill just keep saying
The Lord is in control & I trust him.
Everything will be alright.
& hope one of these sleepless nights those pests in the corners of my soul give up

...and they will.

Patience

Disclaimer;lately Ive been using this blog to vent my feelings when I am feeling down- So it seems like I am always down. I'm not. NEXT post is going to be so sweet and full of love it gives you cavities and chest pains.