i. feel. alone.&lost.
my. soul. is.weary.
Mission countdown is at 36 days. I think I am the most excited I have been about my mission since opening my call, but I am exhausted emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I feel so empty.
I'm going to blame it on my job- which I am lucky as a duck to have been able to have.
Working form 630pm- 730am has ruined me, I am not my happy optimistic self, I am genuinely very sad. I have 2 more days and I know I should be finding that fact as light at the end of the tunnel or the silver lining but when I think about it, I just frown and whisper to myself...
i cant do it. Its too hard and no one cares and no one is helping me.
boo hooo... poor baby.
I don't know why I choose this time for me to doubt going on a mission, for every concern to blow up in my mind. I'm worried about how old I will be when I get back, & not be finished with school, be old unmarried and unaccomplished scholastically, and Thai people eat rice allll dayy so ill probably be fatter than aunt marge (hp#3)
As quickly as the doubts come I am able to dismiss them with word of encouragement and a little self validation, noting how it really doesn't matter and the Lord will work everything out if I surrender my will for his. Yet I think a small remainder of the irrational concerns lingers in the corners of my weary soul and it worries me into mental, emotional and spiritual exhaustion.
I don't know why I choose this time for me to doubt going on a mission, for every concern to blow up in my mind. I'm worried about how old I will be when I get back, & not be finished with school, be old unmarried and unaccomplished scholastically, and Thai people eat rice allll dayy so ill probably be fatter than aunt marge (hp#3)
As quickly as the doubts come I am able to dismiss them with word of encouragement and a little self validation, noting how it really doesn't matter and the Lord will work everything out if I surrender my will for his. Yet I think a small remainder of the irrational concerns lingers in the corners of my weary soul and it worries me into mental, emotional and spiritual exhaustion.
Ill just keep saying
The Lord is in control & I trust him.
Everything will be alright.
& hope one of these sleepless nights those pests in the corners of my soul give up
The Lord is in control & I trust him.
Everything will be alright.
& hope one of these sleepless nights those pests in the corners of my soul give up
...and they will.
Patience
Disclaimer;lately Ive been using this blog to vent my feelings when I am feeling down- So it seems like I am always down. I'm not. NEXT post is going to be so sweet and full of love it gives you cavities and chest pains.
Patience
Disclaimer;lately Ive been using this blog to vent my feelings when I am feeling down- So it seems like I am always down. I'm not. NEXT post is going to be so sweet and full of love it gives you cavities and chest pains.
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